Woman says she’s ‘bitter’ after her mum revealed she plans on leaving the house to her brother


A ‘financially stable’ woman has told how she’s been left feeling ‘bitter’ after her mother revealed she plans on leaving the family home to her brother who ‘has no money.’

The anonymous woman, believed to be from the UK, took to Mumsnet and penned: ‘Earlier this year my mum sat me down and explained she’d decided to leave her house to my brother instead of to both of us. That will basically be the bulk of the inheritance. There will not really be anything else.’

And many were quick to take to the comments section – admitting that they too, would be left feeling ‘hurt and angry’ by the decision. 

‘That’s awful. It should be fair between siblings and you shouldn’t be penalised because you’re financially better off (which could change),’ wrote one, while a second penned: ‘I would be hurt and pretty angry in your situation. My husband has one sibling who is much better off than us. Despite this, I would never expect his parents to do anything but split the estate equally.’ 

An anonymous woman, believed to be from the UK, took to Mumsnet and told how her mother had sat her down and explained she’d decided to leave the house to her brother – instead of the pair of them. Pictured, stock image

In the initial post, the woman explained: ‘Due to location it’s a relatively expensive house. Her reason for this is that my brother has no money and husband and I are comfortable financially.’

She went on to explain that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, who support him – but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich.     

She continued: ‘In addition his job has become quite precarious because of the pandemic. It will probably remain precarious for sometime so who knows what the future holds.’ 

While the woman said she was willing to accept it was her mother’s decision, she added there’s a few things that have continued to play on her mind.  

The woman explained that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, who support him - but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich (pictured)

The woman explained that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, who support him – but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich (pictured)

‘Firstly the pandemic and our resulting financial situation which takes away from her point that it’s ok to do this because dh and I are comfortable, and secondly, because I’ve always felt she preferred my brother anyway,’ she explained.

‘He’s been a Christian since we were young. I am not. I was a troubled teen and I obviously live a non Christian life now which she does not like. I know she loves me and we get on fine but deep down this feels like yet another sign that she views my brother differently to me.’

She went on to say that she feels like she needs to say something because she’s been left feeling ‘bitter’ – bu added she isn’t sure of the right thing to do.  

‘It isn’t specifically about the money because I wouldn’t care if neither of us got anything, but to leave everything to my brother because of choices he made when he too could have a decent job and comfortable life just feels unfair,’ she said. 

Many supported the woman and admitted they would've been left hurt if they were in that position (pictured)

Many supported the woman and admitted they would’ve been left hurt if they were in that position (pictured)

‘Should I tell her how I feel or just leave it? It feels like a very awkward conversation to have. I genuinely believe I’m not entitled to anything, but also feel that if there is anything it should be split between me and my brother.’

Many urged the woman to speak with her mother and explain how she has been feeling.

‘I would definitely say how you feel, otherwise it will niggle away at you. Yes it will be awkward, but no more so than the conversation she initiated to tell you that she’d be leaving her house to your db,’ one commented. 

‘As pp said, it’s totally unfair for parents not to leave everything fairly – a) because it creates feelings of being unloved, or the least favourite child – however it’s dressed up and b) because, as you are finding out, circumstances can change. 

‘People lose businesses, get divorced, marry into wealth, need expensive care or medical treatment etc etc all the time. You can’t know when you write a will what your dcs’ circumstances will be at the point you die. Definitely tell her how you feel.’

Another agreed: ‘Tell her you respect her choice but In your opinion you feel it’s not fair. She should love her children equally regardless of their life choices.

Others disagreed and argued it is the mother's money so is ultimately her decision to make (pictured)

Others disagreed and argued it is the mother’s money so is ultimately her decision to make (pictured)

It will be a difficult conversation but I think you will grow increasingly cross about it if you let it go unsaid.’   

However, some instead argued that it’s the mother’s money – and so is ultimately her decision what she does with it.

‘Personally it’s her house, so it’s her choice who she leaves it too. YANBU to feel hurt but YABU to expect her to change her will,’ wrote one, while a second agreed:

‘YANBU to feel bitter and hurt and I think you should tell her this, however the reality is that it is her money/property and she can do what she wants with it. From her perspective your brother is doing a good Christian thing and she wants to repay him. Not entirely fair, but it is ultimately her choice.’

A third added: ‘I don’t think she has made the right choice, but it is her choice to make. It’s OK to tell her how you feel if you want to but I think best to accept she has decided this based on her own values. (Perhaps seeing it as supporting and rewarding him for doing what she sees as God’s work). ‘

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