Matt Willis has shared some of the harsh realities from his drug addiction battle and the toll it took on his relationship with his wife Emma Willis.
The Busted singer, 39, candidly admitted he would ‘gaslight’ Emma into thinking she was crazy during the height of his addiction struggles.
During heavy binges Matt revealed he even left notes saying he was ‘sorry’ to his now wife, when he was convinced he wouldn’t wake up the next day.
Matt, who has made a new documentary about his drug and alcohol addiction called Matt Willis: Addiction And Me, opened up ahead of its release.
In an interview with the Guardian, Matt spoke about the ‘nights when he thought he’d gone too far, that he’d drunk too much and taken too many drugs’.
Tough: Matt Willis has shared some of the harsh realities from his drug addiction battle and the toll it took on his relationship with his wife Emma Willis
They revealed Matt would leave notes for his wife, in case he didn’t wake up. ‘Saying sorry,’ he says. In the morning, he’d find the note before she did and throw it away.
The documentary touches on how Matt’s addiction affected Emma, who is a popular TV presenter and the mother of his three children.
Emma began keeping track of Matt’s drinking and drug-taking by writing a diary, admitting she was scared that he would eventually take his life.
Reflecting on how it damaged their relationship he says: ‘[Part of the recovery process] is you make amends to people you’ve hurt. I never did that with Emma; I don’t think I ever can. I think the way I choose to do it is to be this guy, every day’
‘When she notices something, I take it on board and listen, and I don’t argue. I go: ‘You feel that way; that means that I am doing something, that’s not in your head.’ Because I was the mastermind at gaslighting, making her think she was crazy. I’m so ashamed of that, and I never want her to feel like that again.’
Earlier this year in an interview with Giovanna Fletcher on her Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast, Matt broke down as he revealed his battle with alcoholism caused him to miss his daughter’s first crawl.
He opened up on how missing the milestone had been a ‘turning point’ in his addiction and motivated him to get better.
Matt and Emma share three children together – Isabelle, 13, Ace, 11, and Trixie, six.
Confessional: The Busted singer, 39, candidly admitted he would ‘gaslight’ Emma into thinking she was crazy during the height of his addiction struggles
Speaking to Giovanna Fletcher on her Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast, he became emotional as he recalled hitting ‘rock bottom’.
He said: ‘When Isabelle was born, I stayed clean for a while, and then I relapsed again when she was about six months old.
‘I kind of, I missed Emma’s birthday. She was in Birmingham and I was at, I was doing a TV show at the time.
‘It was the wrap party and I had a glass of champagne and I was off to the races that night; I turned up at her parent’s house at four in the morning like it was nothing off my head.
Emotional: Matt broke down as he revealed his battle with alcoholism caused him to miss his daughter’s first crawl
Family: Matt and Emma share three children together – Isabelle, 13, Ace, 11, and Trixie, six
Fighting back tears, he continued: ‘It was the worst. The next morning, I knew what I’d done. Emma told me that I missed Isabelle crawling.
‘You know, she kind of bum shuffled and stuff. But I never, she never crawled – and she crawled that night for the first time, and I was in a pub with strangers.
‘You know, I missed that, you know; and it really dawned on me that I was a terrible father.
‘It kind of – it really hit me. I saw everything, that cycle of s**t repeating, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
Dark time: Speaking to Giovanna Fletcher on her Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast, he became emotional as he recalled hitting ‘rock bottom’
‘Everyone talks about hitting rock bottom and things and I’ve always been scared of those words because people die at rock bottoms, they’re a scary thing to define.
‘For me that was a turning point, I ran out of the house, I walked down the road to this pub and I didn’t go in, I had some gear in my pocket which I chucked in the bin.
‘I bought a Lucozade, I walked back to the house and I got on my knees and I apologised and I said I was so sorry.’
Matt concluded: ‘You know, for the first time, I really meant it. It wasn’t so much about stopping, it was about being a terrible father and losing everything.’
Matt is set to candidly share his battle with drug and alcohol addiction in a heartbreaking new documentary.
The bassist will touch on his time with the pop band, as well as speaking about receiving treatment for alcoholism in 2005 – when the group split up.
In the BBC Three project – which is expected to air this year- Matt details how his addiction developed from parts of his childhood and speaks on how starting a new life with his wife Emma saved him.
A source told The Sun: ‘This will be equally personal for Matt, as he has never delved so deep into his past before, at least not in public.
‘It will reveal how some of his problems stemmed from a childhood where his parents made him feel he should conform to male stereotypes.
‘That included telling him that boys don’t cry, which meant he never shed a tear until he was 29 years old.’