CRAIG BROWN: Coping with lockdown… Rule 1 – Step away from the fridge! 


Top U.S. Mindfulness guru Ann Ziety is the author of Just Relax (2018) and I Said, Just Relax, Weren’t You Listening?'(2019). 

Here is our first extract from her forthcoming bestseller, Coping With Lockdown.

07.00am: Grab a pen and paper and copy out this handy timetable for Getting Through The Day.

07.12am: So these past 12 minutes you’ve been searching in all your drawers for a pen, but you’ve only been able to find a ballpoint that dried up six months ago and you thought it might have a little ink in it if you scribbled real hard with it. No worries! Just relax!

Top U.S. Mindfulness guru Ann Ziety is the author of Just Relax and I Said, Just Relax, Weren’t You Listening?’, writes Craig Brown

07.30am: Turn on the radio and listen to your first news bulletin of the day. Over a comforting cup of aromatic herbal tea, spend a few minutes hearing reports from hospitals and care homes nationwide. 

Relax as you imbibe the wise, soothing tones of Matt Hancock and Dominic Raab. But remember to breathe. I said, REMEMBER TO BREATHE. And RELAX!

08.00am: Open the fridge.

08.01am: Close the fridge.

08.02am: Open the fridge.

08.03am: Close the fridge.

08.00am: Open the fridge. 08.01am: Close the fridge. 08.02am: Open the fridge (stock image)

08.00am: Open the fridge. 08.01am: Close the fridge. 08.02am: Open the fridge (stock image)

08.04am: Now look at the clock and wonder how you are going to fill the rest of your day. Why not try this easy work-out?

i) Place your left ankle on your right earlobe.

ii) Place your left earlobe on your right knee.

iii) In a circular motion, move your chin towards your stomach and your right thigh towards the ceiling.

iv) While breathing out, call for help.

08.30am: Telephone an old friend. Ask if she is lonely and frightened, And if not, why not? Calm her down by reassuring her that you think Matt Hancock definitely has everything under control.

08.45am: Only nine hours to go until bedtime, if you make it an early night!

There’s a world of information at your fingertips. This is the ideal time of day to go to your laptop and discover answers to those questions that have been nagging you. 

For instance, what was the name of Kajagoogoo’s second hit single? And what is Matt Hancock’s middle name, if any?

10.45am: After two hours on the internet, you have already discovered that Matt Hancock has two middle names, John and David, in that order, and that Kajagoogoo’s second single was Ooh To Be Ah.

10.47am: Spend a few minutes thinking which of your friends to inform about your new discoveries.

10.49am: Okay, so none of them would be remotely interested. But relax! Harry and Meghan have told us to concentrate on the things that connect us.

11.02am: Switch on the television. Why not watch a repeat of a Masterchef semi-final from 2016 in which one of the contestants struggles to complete her Date Parcels Stuffed with Frangipane and Pomegranate with a Peppermint Sauce infused with Blackcurrant, Walnut and Temazepam on time?

11.48am: Close the fridge door. Congratulate yourself on your strong-mindedness. Relax! (stock image)

11.48am: Close the fridge door. Congratulate yourself on your strong-mindedness. Relax! (stock image)

11.45am: With only seven hours to go until bedtime, it’s time to make a start on War And Peace. Having completed the first sentence, it dawns on you that you’ve already forgotten the name of Kajagoogoo’s second hit single.

11.47am: With the first paragraph of War And Peace now well underway, why not walk to the fridge, open it, and contemplate a pre-lunch snack? Then decide against.

11.48am: Close the fridge door. Congratulate yourself on your strong-mindedness. Relax!

11.49am: Open the fridge door. Eat just a teensy bit from the saucer of last night’s left-over pasta.

11.50am: Now take just a bit more.

11:51am: And another bit.

11.52am: Seeing as the saucer is almost empty, why not finish it off, just to be tidy?

11.53am: Close the fridge door. Relax! Start wondering what you’ll have for lunch.

12.00pm: Tune in to the midday coronavirus update on the radio. Listen to Dominic Raab trying to sound authoritative as he rushes his way through today’s government targets and initiatives. Relax! It’s only a global pandemic!

12.10pm: Touch face with left hand. Feel guilty. Wipe it off with right hand.

12.20pm: Find a video of a budgerigar called Alfie dancing to Agadoo on YouTube.

12.22pm: Watch it again.

12.24pm: Think of sending a friend a link to the Youtube video of the budgerigar called Alfie dancing to Agadoo before coming to the conclusion that, actually, it’s not really all that funny.

12.26pm: Watch it again.

Read more at DailyMail.co.uk