REVEALED: The five top dating mistakes you make when you aren’t ready to find love – from talking about your ex too fondly to never having time to meet new people
- A relationship coach has revealed the five first date mistakes many people make
- This mistakes all point to the person not being ready to date, experts say
- Anna Swoboda is a matchmaker who helps people find life partners
Speaking to FEMAIL Anna Swoboda , from Heart Match, said people inadvertently sabotage potential relationships if they jump back into dating too soon
A relationship expert has revealed the five top dating mistakes people make when they are actually not ready to commit.
Speaking to FEMAIL Anna Swoboda, from Heart Match, said people inadvertently sabotage potential relationships if they jump back into dating too soon.
They often do this by making the ‘same old’ mistakes which include talking about their ex, having a victim mindset and being too busy to go on dates.
Anna explained each of the self-sabotage mistakes in depth, starting with having a victim mindset.
‘You are not ready for a relationship if you are stuck in your hurt. It makes you powerless to heal and grow,’ she said.
‘You feel robbed of your self-esteem and self-worth. You focus endlessly on how wronged you were in the past, how you were hurt by others; you are holding onto limiting beliefs like: ‘All men just want sex’, ‘All the good ones are taken’, and ‘ All women are only after my money.’
The second most common mistake is to head back into the dating scene before getting over your ex partner.
‘Research shows that if you speak too badly or too well of your ex, you are not over them,’ she said.
This dashes your chances of finding love again by half, she explained, which makes dating a ‘waste of time’.
‘Best to get over your ex, then start dating.’
The third mistake people make is to start dating before they are ready to embrace real intimacy.
‘You are actively dating, but you might be moving too fast physically and push your partner away when things get more serious,’ she said.
‘Research shows that if you speak too badly or too well of your ex, you are not over them,’ Anna said
What are the biggest mistakes to make on a first date?
1. Arriving late
2. Not making eye contact and not smiling
3. Lack of personal hygiene
4. Keeping your phone on the table and looking at it during the date
5. Talking in detail about your ex
6. Drinking more than two alcoholic drinks/getting drunk
7. Not asking open-ended questions
8. Asking a question and then interrupting your date as they are answering
9. Talking about yourself too much, including bragging about your income, connections, and skills. Sharing too much information too quickly ( fun fact- one of the men I went out with told me in the first 20 minutes of our date that he was on a dating show that was about to air in Australia at the time, and in that show he proposed to a woman, but I should know he never actually loved her)
10. Being negative, and rude to the staff at the restaurant
11. Making overt sexual innuendos
12. Using terms of endearment prematurely- words like honey, babe, darling. A lot of people will find it patronising and off-putting
This could mean you avoid discussing your feelings and sharing anything personal with them.
Or it could mean you keep your new partner at a distance so that they can’t hurt you.
‘If you can’t be vulnerable with your partner, you are not ready for a relationship,’ she said.
The fourth mistake people make is being too busy to date.
‘We all have busy lives filled with work, hobbies, and family commitments, however, if you find yourself wanting a relationship and then constantly struggle to prioritise it and find time to go out on dates, chances are you are not ready for love,’ she said.
‘We all have busy lives filled with work, hobbies, and family commitments; however, if you find yourself wanting a relationship and then constantly struggle to prioritise it and find time to go out on dates, chances are you are not ready for love,’ she said
The last mistake people make is not knowing what they want from a relationship.
‘Sometimes, assessing what you don’t want – is a good place to start. Look at previous relationships to understand what went wrong and why,’ she suggested.
‘What are your key learnings from those relationships? Also, look at the positive elements of past relationships. This will provide additional clues to determining what you want.’
The next thing to do is to figure out deal breakers, what you must have in a relationship and how you expect to be treated.
‘Examine your values and life vision – what are they? How clear is your vision? How do your values reflect the way you want to live your life? Understanding your life vision and values is critical in assessing compatibility with a potential partner,’ she said.